Hear Me Out
I understand the title of this post may seem a little extreme or alarming, but just hear me out...
First, this is geared more so towards “older kids” and teens. Second, by “inappropriate” media I obviously mean within limits and with parent involvement. Third, I am writing this in the hopes that we can all relax a little as parents, ease our anxieties, and give ourselves some grace.
It’s so Easy to Want to Overly-Police
We live in a crazy world with an endless amount of issues we hope to shield our children from. And while there are many things we should strive to protect our children from, the reality is they are going to be exposed one way or another.
It is our jobs as parents to raise them in a way to properly navigate through this world - the good AND the bad.
Focus on Good Stories
It can be tempting to nit pick every single word, scene, action character, etc., in a television show or movie when making our decision to allow our child to watch.
I’m not saying we should allow 6 year olds to watch vulgar R-rated movies, but I would encourage you to look for good stories before diving into the specific language and/or nitty gritty content.
What Makes a Good Story?
Introduces new ideas
Promotes creative thinking
Builds emotional intelligence
Expands the imagination and educates the mind
Helps teach moral values
Boosts listening skills and attention span
Increases a culture of understanding
Sharpens memory
Well written with rich vocabulary
Makes a delightful impact on the mind
Stories that move us and are hard to forget
Appeal to young and old alike
Challenges a child’s ability to think critically, ponder, and suppose
Be Present
I love the Habits of the Household quote, “spend less time thinking about whether ‘bad words’ are present and more time thinking about whether you are present.”
The world is not appropriate.
Children, at a certain age, need to know how to react to explicit language, sex, violence, etc. Our goal as a parent should not be to protect them from these things (to a certain extent), but how to deal and respond to it.
Sometimes media can produce great learning opportunities, IF the parent is present. You can’t always be present when these things happen in real life, but you can be present here and now to help teach them how to react.
Justin Whitmel Earley shared a powerful story about watching The Sandlot with his two boys. While, yes, there is some language and tobacco use, it is also a wonderful story about friendship and courage.
As they got further into the film, he was reminded how Wendy Peffercorn is very objectified throughout. When the scene came where Squint tricks Wendy into a nonconsensual kiss Justin paused the movie and had a discussion with his boys about never touching a girls body without her permission. Ever.
Instead of pretending this worldly issue didn’t exist, he discussed in simple terms how every boy is going to struggle with seeing the world through a “sexualized lens,” and opened the door for honest conversation and questions.
Your Doing Great
There’s no such thing as a “perfect” parent.
Take a breath.
All we can do is love our children and do our best. The world can be a scary place, but often times we can grow and become better, wiser, and stronger through it. You’re doing a great job!
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